A mom repeating the mantra "Is this my issue?"

Behavior #2 – we rescue too quickly

In the last week, two people have sent me a link to an excellent article by Kathy Caprino, who interviewed leadership expert Dr. Tim Elmore, called 7 Crippling Parenting Behaviors That Keep Children From Growing Into Leaders.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2014/01/16/7-crippling-parenting-behaviors-that-keep-children-from-growing-into-leaders/

As I read what Mr. Elmore listed as the 7 Crippling Behaviors, I realized each could be avoided if parents used one or several of the 10 Priorities of parenting excellence, or other valuable teachings in our parenting workshops.

  1. We don’t let our children experience risk: If parents remove risk from children’s lives, we will likely experience high arrogance and low self-esteem in our growing leaders.
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    Priority #5 speaks to this: Value Success and Failure.  If we are not afraid of failure for our kids (and not afraid of it in our own lives…), we will encourage our kids to take responsible risks and learn from their failures.
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  2. We rescue too quickly: When we rescue too quickly and over-indulge our children with “assistance,” we remove the need for them to navigate hardships and solve problems on their own.
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    Priority #6 teaches us to Allow Obstacles to Become Opportunities, allowing them to figure things out for themselves and solve their own problems. A good mantra for parents when their kids are struggling is to ask ourselves: “Is this my issue?”
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  3. We rave too easily: This “everyone gets a trophy” mentality might make our kids feel special, but research is now indicating this method has unintended consequences.  
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    Truth over Harmony: (Priority #1): If you feel your child has not put in his/her best effort, say so. They know it anyway, and they will begin to trust you more because you will tell them the truth.
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  4. We let guilt get in the way of leading well. Your child does not have to love you every minute.
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    You are not supposed to be your child’s friend; they have other friends, and you are the parent.  You can have friendly moments with them, but you are the parent, not their friend.
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  5. We don’t share our past mistakes. Share with them the relevant mistakes you made when you were their age in a way that helps them learn to make good choices.
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    Sometimes having an honest conversation about how we as parents struggled with issues at their age will deepen their trust in us and allow us to become their coach and then their mentor.
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  6. We mistake intelligence, giftedness and influence for maturity. Just because giftedness is present in one aspect of a child’s life, don’t assume it pervades all areas.
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    Attitude over Aptitude (Priority #3) speaks to this: Are we focusing on attitude, effort and character over aptitude, talent and achievement? In all areas of our kids’ lives.
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  7. We don’t practice what we preach.
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    Priority #10: Our number one job as parents is to inspire our children with the way we live our lives. Elmore concludes: Watch yourself in the little ethical choices that others might notice, because your kids will notice too.
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There’s much more in the article than I’ve summarized here.  Be sure to check it out.

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